Friday, April 20, 2012

Why the Twenty-first year is Better Than the First

Today the Husband and I celebrate our 21st wedding anniversary. Hurray!

Not a current photo, in case you were wondering. Just a photo I like. Do you know hard difficult it is to get a photo that's just you and your spouse when you have kids who always want to be included?
We've been sharing with each other the ways we think our 21st year of marriage is better than our first. Don't get me wrong, the first year was wonderful. But the 21st is amazing!

1) We will work it out

In the first year of marriage, we were very young mind you, any little disagreement or argument felt like the end of the world. We were in love! How could we not agree on EVERYTHING???

By the 21st year, we know disagreements and arguments will happen and the world will not end! We will work it out, and the working it out will make us stronger. We also know now that I love you and I'm sorry are far more important than getting our own way or being right. And making up can be fun to do! (wink wink)

2) We cherish time together

In the first year of marriage date night was the norm and no big deal.

By the 21st year of marriage, date night is a huge deal and precious! It's also very important when there is making up to do!

3) Clear priorities

In the first year we were each pretty invested in what we wanted for ourselves and how we wanted it. (See #1)

There is nothing sexier than having witnessed 21 years of a spouse reordering their life, putting God first, then Family and self last. Nothing sexier!

4) Expansion is good

In the first year there were only 2.

By the 21st we are 4! Diapers have been changed. Nights have been sleepless. It is wonderful to let your love overflow. (See #3)

5) Communication gets better

In year one there may have been a belief that one of us was a mind reader. One of us wondered why the other did not do certain things when many hints were given that things needed to be done.

By year 21, it is clear that neither of us can read minds. After hints are not picked up on, clear requests are made. Hints are still given because someone is so talented that someone else thinks it may yet be possible that one will acquire the ability to read minds and doesn't want to miss it when it happens!

6) Best Friends

In year one, we were full of love and hope for the future and we were still in the process of really getting to know each other.

By year 21 we have experienced times of great joy and times of blessing. We have also experience times of great sorrow and difficulty. No one knows these shared experiences like we do. Twenty-one years of being best friends, there is nothing like it!

7)  Practice makes perfect

In year one thoughts may have anxiously gone to...I just committed to being with this person forever! This is the one, the only, what if...

The truth is that after 21 years of intimacy, 21 years of practice, with the one and only is, in the Husbands words, AWESOME!! I agree! It only gets better and better...if you know what I mean. I hope you do because there are many people whom I will have to look in the eye yet today that are reading this and I do not intend to explain further.

8) Speak the others love language

In year one, "I love you" is spoken often. It is very good to tell your spouse that they are loved and to tell them often.

We've learned by the 21st year that the words I love you, though spoken often, do not necessarily convey all one's spouse needs to hear. A simple I love you does not always translate to; I know you, I know the way you need to be loved, I know what matters to you. 

I have learned that the words, "Live long and prosper!" or, "May the force be with you!" is the way to really speak love, and my understanding of his heart to the Husband. He has learned that the words, "As you wish!" melt my heart. Learning your spouse's love language is very important!

We still have a long way to go in building our marriage. It is a process that takes a lifetime and work. It's well worth the work because it just keeps getting better!

Happy Anniversary to the Husband, my one and only!


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